My Wellness Journey

How I lost weight (mentally and physically)

Our relationship with our body is the most intimate relationship we have in this lifetime, and arguably the most complicated. For starters, it’s the only true place we will ever call home. And, it’s the only thing that’s irrevocably ours.

For most, me included, how we look directly effects how we feel. Last year on the month’s eve of my 36th birthday, I made a vow to myself to get in the best shape of my life, both mentally and physically. I knew this would require losing a large part of myself in the lens of my daily habits, routine, and how I moved through life and the world on a daily basis. I knew it would require re-learning basic human functions like what I chose to eat, how I prioritized exercise, and how I made seemingly basic everyday choices. What I wasn’t prepared for, though, is learning how to live in the context of my new self while still residing within my current self. All while learning how to love my body indefinitely in order to achieve the results I was looking for.

I’m no stranger to discipline. However the disciplines I had mastered weren’t getting me anywhere. In fact, I’d argue with hindsight that the regimes I had in place for three decades guided me to straight into the predicament I was in. I was unhappy with how I looked and so, for one final time, I embarked on a journey to do something about it. But this time would be different. This time, it would work.

Now I know what you’re thinking. We’ve all been there. Many a times you’ve vowed that today is the day that you start… (insert: no carbs, less alcohol, be more present, begin an insane exercise regime, etc). I’ve been there, many times. And it works, for a little while. You see small progresses – more toning, better sleep, more energy. You get excited and undoubtedly cocky that you’ve finally cracked the system. But somewhere along the line, you lose site of the target. You plateau and slowly, almost without notice, end right back where you started. Sometimes, plus a few pounds and minus a lot of confidence. As someone who has felt like they have struggled with weight, body image and my relationship with food most of my life, I can confidently confirm how real this hamster wheel cycle is.

Here is what I learned about myself, and maybe this might resonate with you. It doesn’t work because you haven’t actually accepted your new self in your life. You enjoy the fleeting moments of small progresses, and you lose sight of what actually needs to happen; a complete transformation, mentally and physically. If you want to be a different version of yourself, you simply need to do that. Be a different version of yourself. This practice works no matter what you are trying to achieve. You need to envision yourself in the wave length that you want to exist in, and commit to being that person no matter how tough it gets. There is no change without action, though, so manifesting something without doing the work is merely a wish. But there also isn’t true transformation without willingness and intent. And when you marry the two, manifest and action, is when the results are revealed. This was the mindset I approached this new journey with and here is a timeline from 2022 to present.

2022

March, June, October 2023

May 2024

These two pictures are almost exactly 2 years apart.

I am not a doctor and this isn’t a post about how to lose weight. If you’re looking for that, please see a licensed doctor. However I do think most doctors are drastically uneducated in basic nutrition. I once saw a doctor that was straight up holding a can of Coke as he told me to “eat less” which ironically is one of my tips, but done holistically. I’d say the weight that I lost, which now lingers around 30 pounds since the start of this journey, is a byproduct of the commitment I made to myself last March, to becoming the person I wanted to be. Here are the things I changed that led me to the results I’m sharing today.

For the record: I have always eaten relatively healthy, been active, and laser focused on my career. What I wasn’t cultivating though, was the mind body connection and the relationship I had within the walls of my own skin. I am not perfect and I’m always a WIP. I am however the most confident I’ve ever been and for once, truly happy with how I feel. Here is what I continue to practice.

Daily Manifestations of My Best Self

This was the hardest thing to change and unsurprisingly, what took me the farthest. Everyday in the morning, instead of picking myself apart on the places I wanted to tone or lose weight like I had for years, I began thanking my body and cells for the strength it gives me. My morning routine is here. Simultaneously, I would envision the ideal version of myself, down to every last detail. What kind of energy would I wake up with? What outfit would I put on and feel good in? What parts of my body were toned? What places released trauma and no longer held onto excess weight? How did I feel in (gasp) a swimsuit? What was it like interacting with the world looking and feeling like the person I knew I could be? I made a commitment to become this image, to be this person. I still make this commitment every single day. I journaled and manifested while envisioning me as my new self, doing and achieving all of the things I’m going to accomplish. Thoughts become reality. This works. But thoughts alone aren’t enough. Living and breathing in the context of my new self also meant making significant lifestyle changes that would allow me to get there.

Eat 30% Less

I realized I was overeating and made a choice to simply consume less. This sounds easy, and practical. In fact, every piece of literature on weight loss will tell you this. Autophagy is wildly good for the body, when done correctly. But it’s easier said than done. I continued to eat similar foods (more on that shortly) and drink alcohol just, well, 30% less while making more cognizant choices in the moment. At first, this was challenging. I had to learn to become harmonious with the undesirable feeling of hunger, and in turn discovered how to use it to my advantage. A lot of the times it wasn’t even hunger, it was anxiety or dehydration or lack of protein that caused these feelings. I’ll still get the burger and fries, but share both and start with a salad. I’ll try a fun cocktail then switch to a tequila soda. I’ll choose protein every time over a refined carb. I am by no means saying do not eat fun things. Eating is wonderful, I’d say it’s one of life’s greatest luxuries. Tasting new foods, sharing a meal and drinks with friends, trying out the new buzzy Italian spot... I still do all of that and eat literally the most delicious things, I just eat a little less of it at each meal.

Diversified Nutrition

There isn’t a diet I haven’t tried. No like literally. I’ve done Jenny Craig, the Special K diet (lol which dead ass is a sugar cereal bomb for two meals and one normal meal), the Luna bar diet, the Zone diet, keto, vegan… if there has been a fad food diet, I’ve tried it. I once ate six 100 calorie snack packs in a day in high school… because how to eat intuitively and nutrition were not things I was taught growing up. I was always fighting my urge to consume while in the process consuming twice as much, but ever-so-carefully filed under the verbiage as “dieting.” I can report none of these diets work for the long term. Because life is about living and you can’t be a slave to a regime. You have to create something thats built to last. And you can’t operate in the mindset of scarcity, because over restriction of anything only leaves you in a loss. This statement boasts true in almost every avenue of life.

For example, when I worked at POPSUGAR, my friend Kirbie taught me a recipe of quinoa and chicken in a crockpot. My addictive and mildly OCD personality led me to eat that same meal everyday for lunch and most dinners when I didn’t go out for at least 4 years. Because it was healthy. Right, it is healthy. But you know what those two foods have in common? They’re both brown. They’re high in protein yes, but they’re also delivering the same nutrients to the system day in and day out. You know what your body needs to be its best? The rainbow. Just like you can’t do straight bicep curls and have your dream arms, you can’t rely on one food source to allow your body to flourish. This mindset has been integral to my journey, approaching food as medicine and fuel to carry myself with strength throughout the day. It also makes making food choices easier IMO.

Because so many of you asked, here is what I typically eat. I’m going to focus on the things I do eat because I think that’s healthier than zeroing in on the things I don’t eat. But if you want a quick rundown I avoid: refined sugar and sugar in general, processed seed oils, most processed foods in general, non-organic food, refined carbohydrates, and low fiber snacks. I try not to eat things out of a foil bag but that’s unavoidable sometimes.

Water until 8:30am

8:30/9am: Organic Coffee with Whole Milk + Agent Nateur Collagen. Yes, I drink grass fed organic whole milk. It’s a great source of protein and it keeps me full. Plus, it tastes bomb.

I try and fast until lunch. But sometimes, I can’t and I don’t. As I say there are no rules, just guidelines. I try and “make hunger work for me” in the sense that I have better focus and mental clarity with less food in my system. I tackle the hardest work projects first thing in the morning, on an empty-ish stomach. This works for me and isn’t for everyone. If I am super hungry or had a tough AM workout, I eat any snack with high protein and fiber. I like unsalted nuts or a hardboiled egg or even a little organic nut butter. I also love making my own chia pudding because I know what’s in it and it keeps me super full. I don’t like powdered protein or bars anymore, I like real food, but this is an option if I don’t have anything else available. I’ve noticed that the earlier I eat in the day, the more I crave things throughout the day and in order to be in a slight caloric deficit at the beginning of my journey, I found this food timeline to be the most successful for me.

12/1pm: Lunch

I consume around 30-50 grams of protein plus veggies or something high in fiber. I love a simple side of fiber rich veggies or if I’m having a salad, I try and have anything with fiber first (read the Glucose Revolution if you haven’t, life changing.) For protein, I love salmon, grass fed steak, ground meat in the form of meatballs that I make, or a dense bean salad or tuna salad. I try and stay away from chicken, because I don’t particularly like it and it’s the least regulated protein out there in terms of labeling. I will eat Mary’s chicken. I don’t usually have refined carbs, but I do love purple Japanese yams, avocados, roasted carrots and kelp noodles. This much protein and fat keeps me full almost always until dinner. This has also dramatically curbed my craving for sugar.

Snacks:

I fucking love snacks. Like fuck me up with a good snack. However, these I have almost entirely bid adieu to, because I am honestly full and don’t crave them like I used to. I do like organic popcorn or dried seaweed if I’m feeling munchy. I wish I could say I snacked on cut veggies but no, I don’t. When I snack from things in a bag, I always read the ingredient label and I try to avoid eat snacks that have oats, hidden sugar or seed oils. I get most of my snacks at Erewhon and they do a good job of doing the hard work for me. But, open a bag of Doritos in front of me and it’s game over. Proximity for me is big, so I try not to keep those things around me at home.

6:30/8pm Dinner:

I again eat a lot of protein. I also love fat! I use real grass fed butter when I cook, or avocado oil. I shoot for about 50 grams. Tonight I am going to do turkey with lentils and some broccoli. I also love sushi. I do ask for light rice if I’m ordering out. I end up ordering more sushi but I like to have a higher protein ratio. I also love eating out and when I do, I order whatever I want. If I want pasta, I’ll try and start with a veggie to not spike my glucose. But more importantly I just try not to finish the whole thing and you know what the best part is? Leftovers.

Dessert:

I used to end every day with a desert. I don’t anymore, but if I’m craving something these chocolate things from Simply are like eating a snicker bar but better. I also have been loving this Paleo granola from Erewhon with CocoJune unsweetened coconut yogurt.

The biggest take away is I always spice it up. I try not to eat the same thing multiple days in a row, which I know can be a challenge if you do meal prepping. But if I did turkey last week, I’ll do steak the following week, or salmon etc. My skin looks better, I have more energy and bonus points, I’ve slowly lost a considerable amount of weight.

Face the Scale

Numbers are not everything, but they do give you something tangible to work with. I have had a tumultuous relationship with the scale since one particular incident at Claim Jumper, where they weighed kids and charged them based on their weight. It was a hot summer somewhere in the late ‘90s and I had already secured the unfortunate nickname “butterball” in my fifth grade class, so the added cruelty of being weighed in the foyer of a restaurant really sealed the deal on my relationship with the scale. I remember that day in perfect detail – I remember wearing my new glasses I had just gotten and this matching top and shorts set my mom got me from Limited Too. I remember feeling confident and cute until I all of a sudden, it was ripped away from me with just two numbers that dramatically soared past that of the much leaner kid before me. I hated it. The scale and the whole experience of it all. Can you imagine if we did that to people today? But I also became obsessed with it. Neither of these are healthy. But, there is power in knowing your baseline, so I recently got this scale from Amazon about 8 months ago, and I find it super helpful because in addition to your weight you learn your BMI, your protein and water ratios and your visceral fat. Breaking the seal and getting that initial weight was the first step for me, because the numbers conveyed what I already knew when I weighed myself in 2022 – that something needed to change.

Exercise:

I saved this for last because I changed the least about this when I started my journey. I have always worked out 3-5x a week. I prefer low impact exercises with heavier weights, I do pilates. Nothing will change your body more than a knowledgable, creative pilates instructor (kudos Pilates by Amanda.) I got an Oura ring, and I naturally do about 10-12K steps a day, being active is crucial. One thing I did change though, was really connecting to my muscles when I work out. I really use my breath and envision it oxygenating my body while laser focusing in on the muscles I’m working. They call it Mind Body connection for a reason. I don’t really do any high impact cardio workout, but when put to the test, I’ll probably be able to still kick your ass even if you do Barry’s everyday 🙃 I’m only slightly kidding. I’m physically strong, but mentally I’m even stronger now. Also in the morning I do randomly like 10-20 push ups and some cat cows to start the day. The best piece of advice here is find something that you love to do that gives you strength, and don’t beat yourself up working out should be a release not a chore.

I also prioritize health in other ways. I love infrared sauna to relax and detox, I try and do a lymphatic drainage massage 1x a month and frequent at-home lymph stimulation. I’m newly into Cryotherapy, which makes me feel like I’ve had a shot of tequila, and yoga which I think has made me much more present. Most importantly I feel proud and accomplished when I’m taking care of myself. And when I feel these two emotions consistently over their counterparts (disappointed and lazy) I notice how much better I treat myself.

If you made it this far. Wow, you’re committed. I’m impressed and honored that you spent this time with me. Time and energy are the two most valuable currencies, and know that I can feel this exchange between us. If you’re looking to be the best version of yourself, start slow. Simply envision the self you want to be. Then, take action. If you can see it you can do it, there is magic in the mind. The frequency you commit to is the pulse of your life, but the universe’s biggest secret is that we’re directly in control. Choose your frequency and watch the magic that unfolds.

Love, Allison