Am I Too Old To (Insert: Insecurity)

No, but I am too old for tandem parking spots.

Age has been the topic of conversation as of late. Namely, due to my 38th birthday last month, which unintentionally lingered its way into many a moment in April (more on that later). And also by way of oddly similar yet unconnected conversations on what is age appropriate. Which got me spiraling — am old to (insert: insecurity?) With just two years until the big 4-0, it’s natural to feel the deep societal strain of what and where you should be by a certain age.

But I’ll tell you one thing, I have never had more energy then I do right now. I feel so clear and alive and purposeful. The past year has been a long winded rebirth, an awakening, a renaissance. It taught me you’re never too old to have a good time, to start over, to meet amazing new people, or to choose yourself. I did in turn learn there are some things I am very much too old for, though. I wrote this list down on the April 27th new moon to release the habits, people and things that I felt no longer served me. And I thought by sharing this, it might encourage you to do the same.

Things I Am (Now) Too Old For:

1. Being body conscious.

2. Not having a dinner reservation on a Friday night and still trying to go out.

3. Doom scrolling TikTok and Instagram right before bed.

4. “Circling back” on emails or texts. If you don’t answer, I’m not “bumping it to the top.”

5. Working until 10pm every weeknight.

6. Saran wrapping leftovers / plastic food bags and containers. Sure, just take my food and let some microplastics leach into it overnight. Love that.

7. Fair weather and party friends. And after parties unless it’s something super special.

8. Tandem parking spots.

9. Worrying if something comes off b*tchy.

10. Finishing a book or watching a series to the end if it sucks. Why?

11. Alcohol on weeknights unless it’s a particularly special event.

12. Social climbers. Where are you even trying to go?

13. High heels! Like what? These are god awful. Hard pass.

14. Feeling like I have to respond to everything immediately.

15. Mom jeans. These were never flattering?

16. Economy on flights over 4 hours.

17. Enablers.

18. Arguing with people in traffic.

19. Cap sleeve tops. Jail to whomever invented this cut.

20. Not standing up for myself even when it’s uncomfortable.

21. Gaslighting.

22. Hiding my quirks. I think I’m neurodivergent?

23. Over explaining.

24. Bras or swimsuits without underwire.

25. People pleasing.

26. Eating seed oils or anything with harmful dyes, and sugar.

27. Trying to hang just about anything that requires measuring or drilling into a wall. I am simply not great at this and I (used to) have holes in my walls to prove it.

28. Being on time for absolutely everything.

29. Not knowing your drink limit. Moderation + control = hot.

30. Dark cloud energy and bad energy.

31. Girls who aren’t girls girls.

32. Fake (news, boobs, people).

33. Putting together furniture.

34. Not having intelligence compatibility with your partner.

35. Pretending like someone is funny when they’re not.

36. Mismatched socks.

37. Responding to weird comments or questions when they should be met with silence.

38. Physically going to the car wash.

I’ve also gotten back into my reading and audio book groove, to help with my hairy habit of doom scrolling. I just finished the Double Helix on the discovery of structural DNA, and I’m now onto The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins which in theory, found me. It popped up in my Audible as a suggestion, even though I have been on a heavy science and physics streak, so I took it as a sign to give it a listen. Obsessed is an understatement, and I now want a “let them” tattoo like so many before me have already gotten. This book is undeniably satiable and has such a simple yet complex message — “let them.” It’s a book about releasing control by way of simply no longer worrying about people, places and things and by proxy, giving yourself unfettered freedom. I am both an optimist and a worrier, I was born this way. Running two minutes behind to work at my own company? You bet I’m texting my assistant to let her know… that I will be… late. By two minutes. Am I OK? This is just an example, but my thoughts and my timeliness and my Virgo-rising perfectionism are all-consuming sometimes, especially with MARA, to a degree that has created unnecessary internal turmoil. The Let Them / Let Me theory details how by letting go of whatever it is that you’re worried about (code for trying to control), you’re in turn freeing up your own mental space to give energy to the things you want to focus on. This year I am on a quest for the perfect internal homeostasis by way of regulating thoughts and emotions with two simple words: let them. And to answer the proverbial theme that defines today’s post — Am I Too Old to (Insert: Insecurity?) Maybe. Probably. Who cares? They’re probably going to talk about you anyway, so just enjoy yourself. Let them. Let me.

Life Updates:

A few other fun life updates in April. I celebrated my birthday in Todos Santos and absolutely loved it, it was the perfect magical long weekend. We stayed at San Cristobal, my favorite restaurants were Oystera, Tencho, and Jazamango. I would highly recommend going there over Cabo if you’re wanting a quick peaceful trip!

Best Cover-Ups: Blue Crochet, Leopard Dress

On said trip, I perforated my ear drum sadly, so I haven’t been able to hear out of my right ear for like almost two weeks. But on the bright side, I hired a business energy coach and healer and during our first session, he told me my body was creating physical blocks to drown out the bad energy, low vibrational people and noise. I told him about my ear issue and he was like - yep, that’s the universe protecting you right now. I’m excited to continue working with him and will let you know more after our next big session next week. Hopefully I will have full hearing back by then.

Shopping:

I’m kind of in my no-purchase era (lol) but we have an INSANE shoot coming up (hint: maybe for some new national billboards) so I have purchased a few lil things for that.

Alohas Butter Yellow Shoes — I’m loving all of the buttery yellow this season but I fear clothing in this shade is just not great on me. So, shoes we shall try.

Freja Black bag — In my reduced logo era, and I am obsessing over this shape! I sort of cringe now when I see C’s and G’s on bags. There is of course, a time and place when it works and can look chic. I still enjoy a little Prada here and there but his Freja bag has been a constant go-to for me.

Blue Manolos — Also for said shoot. I got the flats because perhaps I can work them into my everyday wardrobe. And, they’re MARA blue.

Heaven Mayhem x Real Fine Studio — I adore Pia the founder of Heaven Mayhem and I am obsessing over her lab grown diamond collab with Real Fine Studio. The necklace + earrings are gorgeous in both style and quality.

Luv AJ Fine Tennis Bracelet — I bought myself another mini tennis bracelet, this one is just so perfectly dainty. Amanda was one of the first LA people I met when we interned at Who What Wear together, and what she’s done has been so inspiring.

Else Lingerie Set — How gorgeous is this bra?

Striped Oversized Amazon Shirt — It’s giving Blue’s Clues in the best way.

YSL Slingbacks — Also for a shoot, also were on my wishlist for awhile. I know these have a logo LOL but there is a very specific shot I have in mind for this.

To finish off this post, I wanted to list a few things you will never be too old for, from someone who has somehow become “the oldest” at most work and life functions I’m at.

Things We Are Never Too Old For:

1. Starting over. Hate your job? Your relationship? Rip the bandaid off — the other side is so much better. Life blossoms when you starting choosing yourself.

2. Feeling gratitude. The older I get, the more grateful I am for the in-betweens. Laughter when you’re making coffee in the morning. The cute birds chirping outside my window. Even my commute to work — I’ve been trying to notice one new thing on my drive each day that it even makes driving to work in LA traffic fun.

3. Inner work. I’ve had to undo a lot of trauma over the years — forever a WIP.

4. Learning. It took me until my mid to late thirties to realize how little we know, especially when you’re pre-frontal lobe isn’t fully developed.

5. Investing wisely, in every sense. With your capital, energy, and people.

6. Asking for advice. The key is to only implement what feels intuitive.

7. Getting in great shape. The better you feel, the better you look — and vice versa.

8. Having a sacred day. For me, that’s Mondays — my favorite day of the week, it sets the tone and intention for every day that follows and I just love my little healthy routine.

As always, thanks for reading!

Allison